Crazy Bishop Blames New Zealand Earthquakes On Gays, Murderers and Sinners

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Watch out, everybody! According to Bishop Brian Tamaki, earthquakes are caused by sinners, murderers, and, of course, gays.

While most of us learned that earthquakes are primarily caused by the movement of the earth’s tectonic plates (crust) breaking along a fault, Bishop Tamaki has just brought a whole new theory to the table – the earth actually “convulses under the weight of certain human sin,” because it can’t handle the amount of sin we as a people are committing folks.

In a controversial speech, Tamaki quoted the Old Testament on Sunday, November 13th, the day before an earthquake hit the coast of New Zealand. The 7.5 magnitude quake, killed two people, and left thousands stranded without food, water, shelter, or reliable communication.

The New Zealander went on to talk about Christchurch, which is apparently the best names for a city that he’s ever heard. He blamed the town, which is a “haven for those who are absolutely anti-Christ in every way,” for the earthquakes in 2010 and 2011 that struck the region of Canterbury, killing 185 people.

The crazy bishop has been vocal about his views on Twitter for quite some time, coming out in support of Trump, particularly his stance on Christianity. “The upheaval toward Trump is deeper… it’s his stand for Christ,” the bishop wrote on November 12th, disregarding several lawsuits to focus on Christianity.

On October 24th, Tamaki wrote that “It’s 2 easy 2 accept wat politicians say… doctors say… news says… friends say… what people say… even what You say… Gods say is all that counts.” That’s right, completely disregard that your doctor says you can’t eat red meat because of your high cholesterol, God’s diet plan is all that matters.

In the video, Tamaki goes on to say “The land actually speaks to God. Out of the soil… Abel’s blood spoke to God from a murder,” emphasizing that “the earth can speak. Leviticus says that the earth convulses under the weight of certain human sin.”

Leviticus bans a lot, honestly, including: eating fat, touching an unclean animal (meaning a dead animal), tearing your clothes, eating shellfish, going to church within a month of giving birth, picking up grapes that have fallen in a vineyard, lying (we’re all in trouble now), showing partiality to either the poor or the rich, mixing fabrics in clothing, bearing a grudge, or trimming your beard.

It looks like we’re all headed for hell then. Thanks, Bishop Tamaki, for warning us sinners and contributing your views to modern earth science.