The first few months (or years) of a relationship are nothing short of magical. You laugh at each other’s jokes and spend countless hours making out–even in public. Every one of your conversations is exciting and inspiring.
Then, one day, all of that passion and burning desire can come to a halt. But is it gone forever?
When things turn predictable, and all you long for is that energy that brought the two of you together in the first place, it’s time to find some ways to reignite the spark. Here are some suggestions that can get you started.
Add the Element of Mystery or Surprise
By adding an element of mystery or surprise to your relationship, you can mimic the emotional states you would experience with a new romance. This doesn’t mean that you need to surprise your other half with a month-long trip to Italy or thousand-dollar tickets to the NBA finals.
Sometimes, little gestures can go quite a long way. Couples therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, recommends showing up at your partner’s work and taking them out to lunch. It could even be something as simple as taking the trash out before being asked or cooking a delicious dinner. When reigniting your relationship, the key is to shake things up consistently.
Touch More Often
Touch not only provides physiological and psychological support, it also produces arousal and gives your partner a sense of comfort. According to Orbuch, holding hands as you walk, sharing a hug or a kiss and even a simple caress can remind you that you’re both physiologically bonded.
Learn to Forgive
You may be thinking that if you forgive that you have to forget. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting–it means letting go. You don’t have to hold someone else’s behavior against them. Instead, try taking a step forward. Try not to bring up the past. In the long run, when you choose not to forgive, you end up hurting yourself so much worse than your partner.
If you have pain and resentment within your relationship, don’t wait any longer to talk about things or get help. Things can improve if both of you are willing to work at it. It’s often easier than you think.
Turn Your Phone Off
When you spend time with your partner, turn your phone off — that includes all electronics such as your iPad, laptop and television. When you keep your attention focused on the moment, you can finally have that intimate bonding time you desire. Constantly checking your text messages or playing Candy Crush when your other half is trying to tell you about their day isn’t very respectful. Get your focus back where it belongs–on your relationship.
Get Intentional About Intimacy
What happens when the love of your life stops being the lust of your life?
Just because you and your partner have developed what can be called “roommate syndrome,” it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. By getting intentional about intimacy, you can express your love for your partner without always making it about a way to get what you want or need.
Do you make sure to flirt and give affection to your lover outside of the bedroom? If not, you should definitely carve out some time for the two you to be alone together. Cameo Haag, author of Sexless Marriage No More says, “Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of, whenever it happens … it happens. Become intentional about intimacy. Wash the sheets, get some dim lighting, put on some soft music so you can get in the mood. As women we can fall into the trap of feeling unattractive and non-sexual. Intentional thoughts and actions will awaken this part of us, and then we will prime ourselves to be present and engaged in intimacy.”