Dear Women: Your Breasts Are Not Pockets

Dollars are dirty. Scientists have found that each dollar bill carries approximately 3,000 types of bacteria on its surface. While most of those critters are harmless, biologist Jane Carlton, who’s leading the Dirty Money Project at New York University, has some specifics that were covered in an NPR interview last year.

The most common microbes on the bills, by far, are ones that cause acne. The runners-up were a bunch of skin bacteria that aren’t pathogenic: They simply like to hang out on people’s bodies. Some of these critters may even protect the skin from harmful microbes, Carlton says.

Other money dwellers included mouth microbes — because people lick their fingers when they count bills, Carlton says — and bacteria that thrive in the vagina. “People probably aren’t washing their hands after the bathroom,” she says.

That makes money gross enough, but if you’re the kind of woman who keeps her cash and cards around her breasts, which can get sweaty and smelly like other body parts, it can make things worse.

All of this brings us to The Rache!, who created the above video, which was posted on YouTube and has since gone viral… pardon the pun. She is a cashier who handles money every day, and she got a little fed up with handling sweaty, stinky bills and cards that are stored in, under, or around women’s breasts. Her piece is called, “Titties Are Not Pockets” (we tried to class it up by using the word “breasts” in the headline) and while it’s a pretty funny rant about being polite, she also makes a good, unintended point.

Carrying things around your bra isn’t the most hygienic option — for you, or for the people handling your dough. Breasts are not pockets, so buy a wallet or purse or put it in your pocket. Please.