Read Jason Collins’ Ex Best Cosmo Quotes

Carolyn Moos, the ex-fiancée of NBA player Jason Collins, says she had no idea her partner was gay until he told her the morning he came out to the world in a Sports Illustrated article.

Moos is telling her side of the story in an upcoming piece in Cosmopolitan–on stands in August.

“A month before I was set to marry the man I loved, he called off the wedding. I had no idea why. He and I had been together for eight years. We had planned to have children, build a family. Nearly four years later, I got my answer. My former fiancé, Jason Collins, a pro basketball player with the Washington Wizards, announced last spring in Sports Illustrated that he is gay.”

“During all the years I had known him,” she wrote, “I never would have guessed that he would come out as gay.”

After what Moos felt was more than enough time dating, Collins took a knee in 2008–he called off the wedding in 2009.

“I’ve been thinking about my life, what I want.” She says he said. “I wanted to ask if you would marry me.”

“I empathize with Jason and support him. But at the same time, I remain deeply hurt by him. I wish he could have been honest with me years ago. I feel like there are two Jasons now—the man I fell in love with and the man I’m trying so hard to understand. He’s being hailed as a pioneer, but I believe true heroism is a result of being honest with yourself and with those you love.”