UPDATED: Man Who Ejaculated into Coworker’s Coffee Pleads Guilty


On Thursday, John R. Lind, 34, pleaded guilty to the lewd behavior of repeatedly ejaculating into his coworker’s coffee. Police originally arrested him on felony charges of sex crimes but a loophole in Minnesota’s legal code allowed Lind’s attorney’s to circumvent the serious charges. Prosecutors had no choice but to file a misdemeanor indecent exposure charge instead because a state statute holds that a defendant can’t be charged with felony sex crimes over indirect sexual contact.

A judge made the decision that Lind’s behavior didn’t constitute sexual assault because Lind’s accuser, Pat Maahs, didn’t come into contact with the bodily fluids. Maahs insists that she unwittingly drank Lind’s bodily fluids on several occasions. She wants the Minnesota statute changed so that Lind is forced to register as a sex offender.

Rep. Debra Hilstrom has just introduced a bill that would tack on felony charges to such a misdemeanor if a person “ingests the adulterated substance.”

Lind’s sentencing is set for May 22. Let’s see if he gets off again.


Workplace romances or crushes are never a good idea. In this idea, an infatuation just turned plain disgusting and creepy.

John R. Lind, 34, an employee of a hardware store in Minnesota was arrested after admitting that he repeatedly ejaculated all over a coworker’s desk and into her coffee. His reason? He liked her and wanted her to notice him. I think it’s safe to say she noticed him by now.

The unidentified coworker caught Lind standing over her desk with his hand on his crotch, looking guilty. He said he had just come over to ask a question, but the evidence of his misdeed was all over the desk, dripping onto the floor, some of it absorbed by her hair scrunchie.

This wasn’t the first case of Lind’s harassment, the coworker revealed. He’d often walked up to her with his zipper undone, but she had yet to report him for these incidents.

Lind admitted to ejaculating on the woman’s desk four times since February, adding his own cream to her coffee two of those times, and using her hair scrunchie to mop up the evidence.

The coworker confessed she’d noticed a strange taste in her coffee, but chalked it up to spoiled cream. When police told her what Lind had confessed, she said “I knew it.”

Lind has since been arrested and faces two counts of criminal sexual conduct, with a possible one year jail sentence and $4,500 fine.