Idiot of the Week: Man Tries to Shoplift a Chainsaw by Stuffing It Down His Shorts

A master of stealth, he is not.

A Florida man failed in his attempt to shoplift after trying to conceal an entire chainsaw down his shorts and underneath his thin white tee shirt. Not only was the bulge glaringly obvious, but the entire incident was caught on tape by the hardware store’s surveillance system.

The man was identified as 38-year-old Anthony Ballard, who clearly thought he was smoothly covering the object beneath his flimsy apparel, while he distracted the cashier at Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t as covert as he hoped, and employees immediately noticed the suspicious lump under his shirt as he left the store.

Ballard made his getaway by riding off on a bicycle, according to reports.

Authorities were notified, and Ballard was quickly found and arrested by Port St. Lucie police.

The chainsaw was reportedly a Stihl, valued at over $600. Although he attempted to stash the chainsaw in a wooded area nearby, it was recovered by police as they searched for Ballard.

When police finally found Ballard, he told them that he stole the chainsaw, but had a change of heart and wanted to return it to the store.

He was arrested on charges of grand theft.