Here’s a well-known trick to selling magazines: create variant covers on a topic that has a huge, enthusiastic, collector fan base.
In this case it’s for the newest issue of Britain’s “biggest glossy magazine” Fabulous, which hit this weekend. Each member of the popular UK boy band One Direction–Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Harry Styles– graces a different cover. These black and white shots also feature a memorable quote from the featured boy’s interview, most of which made us laugh. This is undoubtedly because we aren’t young girls who know every intimate detail about the band so we were reading them out of context, but they are worth sharing.
We start off serious with cutie Liam Payne stating: “Twitter trolls bullied my girlfriend.”
See! All you people who think boy bands are just loaded with silly guys who sing stupid stuff? You’re wrong! They discuss uncomfortable topics in social media, like how hard it must be for a girl who’s dating a cute guy with dark, sexy eyes and lots of money.
Zayn Malik, who has actually been subjected to Twitter trolling himself, didn’t have that kind of thing on his cover. Perhaps the editors thought it would be overkill. Or perhaps he didn’t bring it up at all (we haven’t actually read the interview). Instead, he says: “I’ve struggled with fame.”
No doubt. When you have talent, are in a successful band, spell your name in an arty kind of way, AND have a dreamy appearance that’s a cross between Justin Bieber and a delicately boned lesbian (which is kind of redundant, we know), life can be tough.
Harry Styles says: “I like girls my own age, too.”
As opposed to…? Well, turns out, he’s known as a cougar hunter and lady player of the group. Good for you, Harry! We have no idea why older women love that mop of hair (Perhaps to pick through it for hidden treasure like a primate?) but we congratulate you nonetheless!
On the other side is Louis Tomlinson: “Sorry girls, I’ll never sleep around.”
Then there’s Niall Horan who offers this: “I’d rather go to sleep than find a girl.”
And we’d rather you spelled your name Nile like you pronounce it, even though the traditional Gaelic form of “Niall” is pronounced “Neil” or “Neal.” But we can’t have everything we want in life, now can we?
Anyway, just to let you know Niall, when you’re in a hugely successful boy band you don’t actually have to do any work to “find” a girl. It’s not like an Easter egg hunt where you get sweaty in the spring sunlight crawling behind bushes. THEY DO THE WORK! THEY COME TO YOU!
Oh, P.S., if the rumors about you and Demi Lovato are true then she needs to see this as a warning. That kind of quote sounds mighty lazy in the love department.