READ THIS: Insane Email Proves Sororities Are Basically Cults

Greek life can be amazing right? It’s all about love and sisterhood and NOT HAVING BUSHY EYEBROWS, FOR GOD’S SAKE!

Oh yeah, and sororities are insane. There are plenty of reasonable ones (we think), but so many seem to be demanding cults that rival even Scientology in how intense things get. Jezebel got their hands on the latest proof, a leaked email sent by a member of the Alpha Chi Omega chapter at University of Southern California.

The email demands, among other things, the women always wear Spanx, keep their bushy eyebrows under control, and have makeup applied.

A few highlights:

I cannot stress how important spanx are to make you look your best. Even if you are very thin, Spanx will give you a better “line” when you wear clothes (no awkward bumps!) Plus you don’t have to worry about sucking in all the time or being bloated!

…Remember: your hair needs to be one normal color. No crazy ombre, no color you wouldn’t see in nature. (Also, if you’re thinking about going from blonde to black or vice versa, do so after recruitment. You won’t know for sure what it will look like, and if you hate it/your hairstylist does a bad job, that won’t fly.) You cannot have roots during recruitment, so if you dye your hair like me, please take care of that before arriving back to school.

…Eyebrows shape your face. Bad eyebrows will make you look less beautiful than you actually are! Your eyebrows need to look neat (as in not messy) for recruitment. I know “full” eyebrows are in style right now, but “full” does not mean “BUSHY” or “WILD.”… Alternatively, if you have SPARSE eyebrows then you need to fill them in.

…For recruitment, your hair has to be curly or straight. No waves. In this case, you either need to have a curling iron (for our curly gals) or a flat iron (or a blow dryer if you have pin straight flat hair and you’re super good with hair so you can blow your hair out.) Don’t count on other girls letting you borrow theirs or doing your hair for you because then she’s going to have no time for herself because she’s stuck doing everyone else’s hair (God bless [redacted]). If you’re not good with these tools, now is the time to practice. Note: if you have straight hair and you want to wear it curly, don’t. Your hair needs to be able to hold for 15 hr days and hairspray crunchy or limp hair is not acceptable. Also, get some heat protectant and shine spray. Damaged, frizzy hair is not going to attract PNMs. If you have bangs, they need to be styled correctly. If they’re long and you’re afraid they’re going to be in your face the whole time, get some bobbi pins that match your hair color (except on house tours day/door chant, obvi). We don’t want to look “emo” or like we’re actually trying to flirt with PNMs by touching our hair all the time.

…You need to have foundation, concealer, something pinky/neutral for the lips (stain, gloss, etc), BLOT POWDER/OIL BLOTTERS, eyeliner (BLACK or BROWN only), mascara, neutral eyeshadows, bronzer, and (optional but recommended) blush. If you are not wearing the required makeup, I will stop you and apply it myself. I don’t care if you’re late for class. I don’t care if you’re a sophomore or a super senior. I will stop you. If you don’t know how to apply all this makeup, check out my Pinterest board. I picked out all the videos and products with you guys in mind!

There’s even more insanity after Jezebel!

Image source: CollegeHumor.

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