WARNING: some of the slides may be slightly NSFW
It’s hard to tell sometimes if a relationship is in a temporary slump or if it’s just plain over. You may be lingering as an unhappy couple hoping things will change or you may be avoiding the grief that comes with a major loss. Regardless, it’s important to move on if there’s no future with your partner.
Here are the top 10 tell-tale signs that it’s time to say goodbye:
1. Lack of Communication
When “I love you” becomes as routine as “have a good day,” there’s a problem. Look to actions, not words. Is your partner really listening when you tell him/her about your day or your troubles. If not, it may be as simple as he/she just doesn’t care anymore.
If you confront your partner about the fact that you feel unseen or unheard and he/she does nothing but invalidate your feelings, your relationship is in serious trouble. If instead of trying to find solutions, he/she gets defensive, you should dash.
2. The Sex Is Gone
While it’s unrealistic to expect your sex life to be as active as it was when you first met, it’s a bad sign if there’s no sex to speak of. Sporadic sex is better than no sex, and it’s often true that if your partner simply doesn’t want to sleep with you, he/she is getting it elsewhere. Even if there’s no cheating happening in the relationship, if you or your partner is having most emotional needs met elsewhere, your bond is officially broken.
3. You’re Going Separate Ways
If you prefer your activities to exclude your lover, you should ask yourself why. If a shared interest in hobbies and passions is a distant memory, your relationship may soon be too. If you prefer being alone to being with him/her, things are even worse.
When two people come together, their social circles often blend into one big circle. If your partner is asking you to cut important people out of your life and only spend time in his, that’s no good either. A couple needs to play together to stay together.
4. You’re Always Fighting About the Same Things
It’s okay to fight. But are you fighting all the time?The most common problem is that partners often revisit the same problems from the past over and over again. This demonstrates an inability to resolve issues together.
If your significant other has cheated on you, and you’ve tried putting it in the past but it keeps haunting you (and the relationship), it’s okay to call it quits instead of repeating the cycle that’s causing you so much grief—and suspicion.
5. You See No Future Together
If you want to be married or have children or dream of retiring in a beach town but you can’t bring yourself to talk about it with your significant other, your instincts may be telling you that he/she is not the one.
6. Your Relationship is Your Biggest Stressor
It’s true that a good relationship requires work, but if it’s causing you more stress than your day job, reconsider how much energy you’re willing to invest in your partner.
A lover should alleviate your level of stress because he/she should be your greatest ally and support system. If that’s not the case, think about what your life would be like without him/her in it. Maybe, just maybe, the two of you are not at all compatible and the workload necessary to keep you together just isn’t worth it!
7. You’re Just Plain Bored
Even if you think your partner is a great person, if he/she is not stimulating you, things will only grow worse over time. If you find yourself only pretending to listen to his/her stories, it’s a telling sign. If the two of you are mutually bored, chances are that dinner means sitting across from each other while checking texts and posting on Facebook. If that’s the case, you’re in deep trouble, and it’s time to bail!
8. Constant Daydreaming
While it’s normal to admire the beauty in others while staying faithful, constant fantasizing about the new guy in the office or a new neighbor is a sign that you’re not feeling fulfilled. Are you truly attracted to your partner? The problem is usually deeper than simple sexual curiosity.
9. Abusive Behavior
Your partner doesn’t need to strike you in order for him/her to be abusive. Abusive words and behavior will wear away at your self-esteem. Even worse news is that it only becomes harder to leave the longer you stay and get berated.
10. Your Partner Refuses to Seek Help
Everything wrong in a relationship can be fixed, but only if both parties are willing to do the work. If you’re having the same problems repeatedly, counseling may help you find solutions. If you’ve been pestering your partner about couple’s therapy and he/she won’t even consider it, you need to find the courage to walk away.