WANT: Ryan Gosling Body Pillow

Dear Santa,

We wish this was a real item– like the Ryan Gosling Coloring Book you got us from England during the Olympics– but sadly, it’s not. So if you could make this in your workshop, we would be forever grateful. It is, after all, the most amazing gift ever: the Ryan Gosling Body Pillow!

However, if it’s not the kind of “toy” you like to make because you’re worried Mrs. Clause might use it to keep herself warm at night (or one of your pervy elves– you know how THEY can be), then please pass this along to someone who can manufacture one for the public. We’d prefer you not send it to someone in China, since they will use cheap materials and probably employ minors to make it, and we don’t like the idea of little children diddling our Ryan Gosling stuffing before we can. Besides, we wouldn’t go into WalMart to buy one, anyway.

Perhaps, if you would, send it to someone in Italy. They make sexy things using sexy materials, and though Ryan is already sexy on his own, we know this is a pillow so it will need some added “Oomph!” if it’s going to live up to expectations.

Oh, and please don’t send it to an “adult toy” or “erotic goods” manufacturer. We’re not like your little sexless, pointy-eared helpers in their short shorts and slinky green tights who were sad when the RadioShack Battery of the Month Club closed. We’re classy. This is just like the package says: for cuddling, kissing and dry-humping. Honest.

In exchange, we promise to be good… until we get the pillow.

xoxo
Us

(source: Buzzfeed, via butyourelikereallypretty.com)

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