WATCH: Lindsay Lohan’s Secret Sister Revealed on Talk Show

In the ongoing drama that is Lindsay Lohan’s life, the troubled actress has been dealt a new shock. Surprisingly, it doesn’t involve a new brush with the law, but her born-again Christian father who has harbored a secret daughter for 17 years.

A woman named Kristi Horn has long insisted her now 17-year-old daughter Ashley is the daughter of Michael Lohan. Although he’s denied paternity the past four years, he finally agreed to settle things by taking a DNA test and having the results revealed on The Trisha Goddard Show.

Michael, Kristi, and Ashley were all present when Goddard read the positive results. Kristi broke down in tears of relief while a supposedly stunned Michael (yeah, right) got up to hug the teenage daughter he had rejected for so long.

But Ashley (you go, Ash!) wasn’t having any of it and shrugged off his hug by saying, “This is the first time I’ve met you. I’m sorry, but I’m not sure …”

Michael responded (quick, grab a barf bag) “It’s okay. Everything in time, honey.”

Oh, gag us. This is currently Michael’s fifth child (he has three other children with ex-wife Dina Lohan in addition to Lindsay) and a sixth on the way (word is, it’s a boy) with longtime girlfriend Kate Major.

I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking: The guy needs to be sterilized to spare any other future children from his wrath.

If you’re curious to see this train wreck go down for yourself, check out the clip of The Trisha Goddard Show above.