I have a whole slew of single (or semi-committed) male friends who constantly explain why women drive them crazy.
In a recent conversation I had with one of them, he shared the following: “At first you meet this seemingly confident woman who loves to be outdoors, camp, explore the world, and allow me to be me, but then something weird happens. A few months later, they want to know what the next step is and we end up having these heavy conversations that drive me insane.”
He then went on to explain that the heaviness makes him want to run for the hills. “Hell, the next thing you know,” he continued, “I’m being lectured on how I’m a ‘Peter Pan’ who never wants to grow up. But I swear it’s not true! I just don’t want to be someone’s captive.”
And so, this is where it all begins… and ends ladies. Here’s where we’re killing our men, and most importantly ourselves.
Desire for Security & “The Norm” Can Kill
It’s not a secret that the majority of human beings seek security. We want to be given the confidence that if a tragedy hits we’re safe and sound. Most of us want the security of having a partner by our sides and a retirement fund to assure a happy retirement. In the process of reaching for these goals, we carefully construct our lives and want our loved ones to play their scripted roles.
There’s only a very small percentage of human beings willing to risk life and limb to live the lives of adventurers. Whether it be in business, love, or travel — these people are terrified by the concept of living a “conventional” life.
When it comes to men, if they were to admit it, a large percentage of them crave adventure. They want to live out their sports fantasies, travel to exotic locations, build businesses, and take risks. The women who fall for them tend to find it extremely attractive — oh the sexiness of a man who wants to slay dragons and explore the world.
When we meet these dudes, our goal is to land them. And WHEN we accomplish the feat, we’re certain we’ll tame them. We’ll sculpt them into the sweet, pleasing, family men we crave.
But the moment he succumbs to your demands, he begins to lose his identity — step-by-step. When his identity is completely stripped, he either wakes up and runs or he commits to a lifetime of “yes dear.”
P.S. — If you’ve had to arm wrestle a man to commit or marry you, you’re with the wrong guy. And you’re probably the wrong girl. Relationships should happen naturally, and your man should be tearing down the doors of the universe to create a life with you.
Your Inability to Spend Time Alone Sucks
It all begins when you meet the “man of your dreams.” You peer into his eyes and the world disappears. After a short game of playing hard to get, you begin spending time together 24/7.
Then the day comes when he breaks the news, “Babe, I’m going to hang with my buddies tonight.” It’s more than obvious he feels as though he needs a bit of healthy space.
You have two choices in the matter – (a) you support his need to go out and are happy about it or (b) you give him a guilt trip and pout a bit. At first you’re pretty good in these moments, choosing the first option.
But then as time progresses, insecurity creeps in. You wonder why he wouldn’t want to spend every waking moment with you? The guilt trips begin, and he gets a lump in his throat any time he asks for “permission” to do something on his own.
The problem in this situation is very clear my dear — you have no life beyond your relationship. And this, my dear, is the pure definition of codependence.
Very few people actually contemplate why they are codependent. How could we be this way when an entire world (and so many opportunities) lies at our fingertips.
Passion… passion… find your passions before it’s too late.
You Overanalyze EVERYTHING
A massive result of codependence and insecurity is the art of overanalyzing. You think everything he says and does has a deeper meaning. You read too much into his texts, into the way he looks at other women, how he treats you moment to moment, and more.
“I swear,” my buddy mentioned earlier in this article continued, “Half of the time women overanalyzed a moment, they were wrong. It’s like they think all you’re doing throughout your entire day and decision-making processes is think about them.”
He explained that he is usually so in the moment, all he’s thinking about is what he’s doing.
While it’s safe to say that sometimes men should think more about what their partners’ desires, it’s even safer to say that some women just need to give them a break. According to a recent study, it was discovered that more than 57 percent of women are overthinkers.
Overthinking and over analyzation is about the need to control. And the more we seek to control others, the more likely we’ll either lose them or kill their spirits.
In order to calm your mind and stop over analyzing, it’s vital that you seek new ways to gain confidence and find methods for freeing your mind. Meditation, yoga, and cognitive therapy may be extremely helpful.
You Create Deadly Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Because of our insecurities and lack of self-confidence, we create terrifying self-fulfilling prophecies. We assume that the person we love is going to cheat or abandon us.
Sadly enough, self-fulfilling prophecies are no joke. When we develop an idea in our mind and continually feast upon it, we do things to cause our demise.
Before jumping into a relationship, try having a love-affair with yourself. Gain a deep understanding of why you’re on this planet. What are your talents? How is your soul making the lives of your loved ones better?
Once you’ve answered these questions, you will have TRUE value and you’ll be able to allow your relationships to flow and prosper.
If you want to explore the topic of gaining self-confidence in more detail, I strongly suggest you check out this book.